1977
My father is a pacifist. From the time I was old enough to know what a gun is I was taught that guns are for killing, and killing is wrong. Being an energetic child growing up in a conservative Christian household, I was eager to stretch my bounds. A finger pistol aimed at my brother could raise the temperature in my father’s boiler a hundred degrees. Even my mother could see that my father’s pacifism wouldn’t stand my invisible taunts. I was going to get spanked.
Toy guns were for me a kind of torture. Whenever I saw one I wanted it with all my heart and soul. One day at the Five and Dime, this was before I went to kindergarten, so I must have been four years old, I saw a set of plastic handcuffs and a cap gun for three dollars.
“Mom, I want this toy,” I said, fear and excitement welling up in my little heart.
“No, honey, what about these?” My mother asked, quickly grabbing a box of log house logs from the opposite shelf.
I paused, staring at the log house.
“I want this toy,” I reiterated.
“Why don’t we go home and think about it. It doesn’t look very sturdy. You don’t want to get gypped,” Mom said.
“I won’t get gypped,” I replied.
My mother steered us out of the toy section toward the front of the store, the package still firmly in my grip.
“I won’t get gypped. I won’t get gypped,” I chanted, marching along next to the shopping cart waving the toy gun just out of my mother’s reach.
She leaned forward and grabbed a cardboard corner of my prize as we reached the checkout line.
“I won’t get gypped,” I said louder, fastening my grip even more firmly to the bottom of the package.
The lady in line before us turned and gave us a disdainful look.
“Honey,” my mother said, “why don’t you pray for it when we get home?”
The cash register closed with the jingle of change.
“Thank you and come again,” the cashier said holding out a grey plastic sac to the woman in front of us. The woman snatched the bag and walked briskly from the store.
I let go of the package. “Jesus will give it to me if I pray?”
“Maybe.” My mother handed the package to the cashier. “We’re not getting this.”
My mother stacked the other items from her cart, sheets, a towel rack, four yards of cotton cloth and two patterns. She turned toward me and looked at me for a moment. The cashier was busily ringing up the items. “Honey, Jesus works in mysterious ways.”
That night when my father got home I was bouncing off of the walls.
“Dad, Dad!” I shouted, “I want to pray for a gun!”
"He saw a toy gun at the Five and Dime and to get him to let go of it I told him he should pray for it when he got home,” my mother said flatly.
“You did what?” my father said.
“I won’t get gypped! I won’t get gypped!” I climbed up on the armrest of the couch.
“Well what did you want me to do? It was either that or buy it for him right there.”
“Settle down,” my father said in my general direction. He turned back to my mother before changing his mind and coming for me.
“Come here.” My father sat down on the couch and pulled me off the armrest.
“You can pray to Jesus for anything, but that doesn’t mean you are going to get it.”
“Why,” I said.
“Jesus wants the best things for us, and sometimes what we want for ourselves isn’t the best thing. You wouldn’t want Jesus to give something to you that would hurt you, now would you?”
I was curled against his side with his arm around me. I squirmed a little, considering his logic.
“But Dad,” I said, “It’s a toy.”
“Yes, but if you learn to use a toy gun you could hurt someone if you ever were to play with a real gun,” my Dad said.
“But I won’t play with a real gun.”
My dad frowned. His argument wasn’t getting through or divine right was on my side.
“You won’t point the toy gun at anyone will you?”
“No?” I said, a question in my voice.
My mom walked out of the room toward the kitchen.
“Now I don’t want you to use the word Gypped anymore. It’s an insult to Gypsies.” My father is and was truly concerned about human rights.
My mom came out of the kitchen. “Well, Honey, it’s not like we live in Transylvania or something. There aren’t any Gypsies in the midwest.”
“Why?” I asked, disregarding my mother.
“It implies that Gypsies are dishonest people.”
My father was teaching me an important lesson.
“Why aren’t they honest?”
That night I got down on my knees and thanked Jesus for the day, begged the Lord to give me a toy gun with handcuffs if he thought it would be good for me, and asked to go to heaven if I died.
The next day I got the gun. Shortly thereafter it broke.